The Great Cruise Ship Money Making Machine

It is possible I suppose to pay for ones cruise and spend no more. Forces however are arrayed against you and constantly apply pressure to dip into purse or credit card. The comments which follow do not apply more to our current hosts NCL than any of their main rivals. Unless you go fully inclusive where the headline prices are high and, frankly, most attractive to drinkers, you will encounter pretty much the same everywhere.

The good thing about a cruise is it guarantees your accommodation and a source of safe food and water. This can be important for even the adventurous amongst us when in a country where stomach upsets are amongst the more usual souvenirs.

There is no doubt that the excursions can be very worthwhile. You invariably have only a short time in port and that can be some way from key attractions. An excursion is a great way of getting a taste of a city or country and orienting oneself for possible future visits. The guides can be and usually are excellent. Good quality transportation is used and the drivers are very safe. The downside is that for what you get other than convenience excursions are undeniably expensive and that’s just the beginning.

On boarding and at every conceivable other opportunity, key tourist attractions, special meals etc, the ships photographers are there to take pictures which are enormously overpriced. My advice – take your own.

The onboard casinos of course are about as likely to lose as any in Vegas, Macau or Atlantic City. Bingo attracts those who don’t see themselves as gamblers but the jackpots are elusive.

The spa has its advantages but membership and treatments are expensive. My boyfriend has been asked to have some acupuncture and we thought he might start here but found that a session which probably would be $50-70 ashore is $150 on board. I like to have a manicure but on this trip a basic one would be $39-45. My advice, consider membership for the sauna and relaxation – skip the treatments.

Think carefully too about the restaurants which charge premiums. On this trip 8 of 11 venues do this. They might be worth considering on 2 for 1 nights but where these extra charges go as high as $25 a person vote with your feet. I think they want you to forget that you have already paid for your food. My advice; a small premium for particularly good food and service is worth considering especially for a special occasion but $25 is a scam.

Few people would want to do laundry on vacation but for a trip of 2-3 weeks it’s going to need doing. NCL proudly announce service at a “nominal fee”. I don’t call $5.95 for a shirt without pressing, nominal. My advice, look out for their special offers.

Watch out for the exact structure of service charges as this varies between companies. We had prepaid $10 pppd and that still does not exempt you from 15% on all drinks checks. Now, I do not at all resent tipping for good service but prefer to target individuals who have been particularly pleasant. The company will tell you that the tip pool is divided equally between the crew. You could ask them, as you well might in a restaurant on land, why they don’t pay a decent wage in the first place.

Perhaps the biggest outrage – albeit one which does not affect us as non-drinkers – is the check point at which it says alcohol purchased on shore will be taken “for your safety” and returned at the end of the cruise. This is the cruise during which they are unsurprisingly prepared to sell you any amount of alcohol. The cocktail prices have to be seen to be believed and don’t forget the 15% service charge.

When we received our final invoice pre-cruise I was pleased to see they had removed a substantial fuel surcharge. After a careful look at all the charges on board and the associated margins it is clear to me that they do not need a fuel surcharge and never will.